Dream

i just woke up from a nap, and a very strage dream.

i fell asleep listening to my itunes, so it was one of those dreams where things happening in real life affect your dreams.

i was in a room with about 7 or 8 people, all of them my friends, and they found a large puzzle.

i put my headphones in and began to work on the puzzle, the song playing on my ipod was "first day of my life" by bright eyes.

i was working on the puzzle with my friends, and about a minute into the puzzle, i took over, and i wouldn't let anyone else touch it or help me out with the puzzle.

i worked for a while, the song playing the entire time, and i ended up finishing it, all except one little section of it.

i began to cry, and no matter how hard i tried i couldn't finish the puzzle.

i asked my friends for help, and they said something, but i couldn't hear them so i pulled out my earbuds, but the music was still the same volume, and they were telling me something, but i still couldn't hear it.

i began to run around the table, and frantically attempt to finish the puzzle and i was crying.

after i woke up, i looked at my itunes and hit the back button a few times til i found the song.

it was about the third or fourth song back.

i know this dream has a meaning, but its very blurry.

im confused.

Search

stop.

what's happening?

take a moment, take it in.

the solemn, lonely silence that surrounds you. where did it come from?

just moments ago so much was happening.

but now...

silence.

shh.

what happened to the birds in the air? where have they gone?
the laughter that made my day, the smile, the warmth, where is it?

is it lost?
if it is, i would be more than happy to help find it.
i'm looking for it so hard, but have yet to find anything.

it's like trying to solve a puzzle, when you don't have all of the peices.

a large, empty space that makes it look damaged, ugly, and incomplete.

i'm looking,

i'm searching.

i'm working,
for an answer.

an answer that may never come,
either way, i'm still going to look for it until i find it.

but what if i never find it?

i'll just have to wait,
i'll just have to be patient until i do find it.

and hopefully, it will be exactly what i am looking for.

Inadequacy

this entire week has seemed very blah.

not just to me, but many of my friends have expressed laments to me about this week.

i think we are just all to that point in the semester where we are just all homesick and everyone is getting exhausted with everything they are having to do and all the extracurricular activities they participate in.

i don't feel homesick or anything, i just think it makes me feel inadequate when people start talking about how much they miss their old friends from home.

but i need to remember, not everyone lives 45 minutes away from home.

but i am human, so i do feel like i'm not up to par whenever people talk about it. but there is nothing i can do about it.

i think thats mostly the reason why the week has been bad for me, but everyone has different, yet legitimate reasons.

after talking with people tonight about this week, and how they feel about it, and what it has been like to them i just felt like something about it needed to be addressed.

so to round out the week, i decided to go to chilhowee with some really good friends and just look at the stars. i love stargazing.

i dont understand how people don't believe that there is a God after looking at the incredibly complex beauty of literally every single thing around them. i don't think some people realize just how big God actually is.

i just stared at the sky in awe of the wonder and majesty of God and just thought about how great He is and how his love for us is so insanely incomprehensible.

the overall mood of the week has been overshadowed by tonight, and everything tonight made me realize how small i was, and how small my problems were, and how small everyone else's problems were. God can handle anything, so...

to those of you who feel inadequate...
you are more than satisfactory in His eyes

to those of you who feel unloved...
He has a love for you that is greater than anyone else's love for anything

to those of you who feel helpless...
He is a rock and foundation to help you through whatever the problem

to those of you who feel homesick...
He longs for you to make your home in his presence

to those of you who miss someone...
He will provide you the strength and will to endure until you see them again

to those of you who just don't understand...
He gives a peace that surpasses all understanding

to all of my friends...
just stick it out, things are going to get rough, and even though this is everyone's first little rough patch, if you just stick with it everything will be worth it. every friendship you make, every conversation you have, all of your time here will all eventually make sense, you just have to stick with it, be COMPLETELY honest with one another and don't keep your feelings a secret. don't give up on each other, don't give up on me, and don't give up on God. the reward for sticking with it through good times and bad times will be so indescribably worth it, so just keep focused on God, and keep your eyes on the goal.

everything will be okay.

just stick with it.

i love all of you, and i value each and every one of your friendships.
this is for you guys.

:)

Slingshot

i'm running on 2 hours of sleep since 730 on tuesday, so tonight will be short.

i'm really not sure what to write about tonight. for some reason i have lots of mixed feelings and am really confused about a bunch of things.

i think some sleep finally will help, but also some really intense quiet time will be really good too.
i'm looking forward to that.

brendan, elisabeth, and i led worship at my church tonight, it went really well i thought.

sometimes, when God wants you to move forward, he takes you backward first.
you want to move forward, but you keep going backwards, and feel like no progress is being made and you are super confused at why you're moving backwards, and God keeps taking you that way.

its like a slingshot.

God pulls you all the way backwards until you're at full capacity, ready to be released, and then he just shoots you forwards at full speed.

God works in weird ways huh?

:)

Storms

well, it seems to be that time again!

that time where i come back from taking a really long break from this thing and say,

"well, i haven't posted in a while"

but i'm not going to do that.

i have to write a narritive story for one of my classes, and i wasn't sure of how i may do the format.

i was thinking of doing it from the point of view of someone who has to write a narritive for one of his classes, and chooses to write it based on a true story of him and his best friend from kentucky who writes letters back and forth to him.

both of those would be based on true events since i do have to write a narritive, and i do have a friend who writes letters to me from kentucky,
although, it seems like we have stopped, i sent a letter to her about a month or so ago, and i have yet to get one back!

i hope she hasn't forgotten about me.

this week is going to be a great week.

so many things planned,
so many great things planned.

the potential for this week to be a great week is just way through the roof, and i have a feeling that everything about it is going to be awesome!!

plus, it is supposed to storm tomorrow,
i love storms.

i love being alone and just playing music while a storm is going on, it makes for a fantastic worship experience.

it feels like God is responding back to you in a much more special, different way through the storm.

i'm back!
glad to hear from you all again! :)

Update

i am posting this to say that there will be an actual real post tomorrow night.

Fire

i had no clue that it was 2 am.

probably half of it has to do with the fact that i am not tired at all.

today was a good day.

my pastor spoke in chapel and he did great. all of my friends told me they loved him, which is good, because i love him too.

after that, class, where i turned in my first college research paper, hopefully it is awesome.

then lunch with jolene, taylor, and madi.

then hangout time with ansley and maddie, i miss them.

then naptime with myself.

then i hit up wal mart with taylor madi and elisabeth.
was it awesome.
no doubt.

jb, jolene, and charles were already there.

then we ate dinner, and jolene and charles left us, so it was just us and jb.

came back to campus and i watched glee with taylor and jared and a bunch of weird people in the nora chambers lobby.
they probably all had some affiliation with the greek club tko, because they all looked like they were over 30.

then we hit up the cliffs out past bowater, which is a legit place, even in the dark.

we built a fire, added anna, kaylynn, katie, and peter to our group, and just jammed out in the wilderness as i played guitar.

relationship building is great, jb and jared are becoming my really good friends, which is good, i need a few brothers up here at lee.


im going home tomorrow for fall break, then chaperoning a church trip, which will be awesome.

i am going to miss all my friends over the break, and i can't wait to see them again and give them a really big hug.

speaking of, i also miss meredith. she's in texas, and it is undetermined how long she will be there.
im praying for her and her family. i can't wait to see her again too.

:)