Inadequacy

this entire week has seemed very blah.

not just to me, but many of my friends have expressed laments to me about this week.

i think we are just all to that point in the semester where we are just all homesick and everyone is getting exhausted with everything they are having to do and all the extracurricular activities they participate in.

i don't feel homesick or anything, i just think it makes me feel inadequate when people start talking about how much they miss their old friends from home.

but i need to remember, not everyone lives 45 minutes away from home.

but i am human, so i do feel like i'm not up to par whenever people talk about it. but there is nothing i can do about it.

i think thats mostly the reason why the week has been bad for me, but everyone has different, yet legitimate reasons.

after talking with people tonight about this week, and how they feel about it, and what it has been like to them i just felt like something about it needed to be addressed.

so to round out the week, i decided to go to chilhowee with some really good friends and just look at the stars. i love stargazing.

i dont understand how people don't believe that there is a God after looking at the incredibly complex beauty of literally every single thing around them. i don't think some people realize just how big God actually is.

i just stared at the sky in awe of the wonder and majesty of God and just thought about how great He is and how his love for us is so insanely incomprehensible.

the overall mood of the week has been overshadowed by tonight, and everything tonight made me realize how small i was, and how small my problems were, and how small everyone else's problems were. God can handle anything, so...

to those of you who feel inadequate...
you are more than satisfactory in His eyes

to those of you who feel unloved...
He has a love for you that is greater than anyone else's love for anything

to those of you who feel helpless...
He is a rock and foundation to help you through whatever the problem

to those of you who feel homesick...
He longs for you to make your home in his presence

to those of you who miss someone...
He will provide you the strength and will to endure until you see them again

to those of you who just don't understand...
He gives a peace that surpasses all understanding

to all of my friends...
just stick it out, things are going to get rough, and even though this is everyone's first little rough patch, if you just stick with it everything will be worth it. every friendship you make, every conversation you have, all of your time here will all eventually make sense, you just have to stick with it, be COMPLETELY honest with one another and don't keep your feelings a secret. don't give up on each other, don't give up on me, and don't give up on God. the reward for sticking with it through good times and bad times will be so indescribably worth it, so just keep focused on God, and keep your eyes on the goal.

everything will be okay.

just stick with it.

i love all of you, and i value each and every one of your friendships.
this is for you guys.

:)

Slingshot

i'm running on 2 hours of sleep since 730 on tuesday, so tonight will be short.

i'm really not sure what to write about tonight. for some reason i have lots of mixed feelings and am really confused about a bunch of things.

i think some sleep finally will help, but also some really intense quiet time will be really good too.
i'm looking forward to that.

brendan, elisabeth, and i led worship at my church tonight, it went really well i thought.

sometimes, when God wants you to move forward, he takes you backward first.
you want to move forward, but you keep going backwards, and feel like no progress is being made and you are super confused at why you're moving backwards, and God keeps taking you that way.

its like a slingshot.

God pulls you all the way backwards until you're at full capacity, ready to be released, and then he just shoots you forwards at full speed.

God works in weird ways huh?

:)

Storms

well, it seems to be that time again!

that time where i come back from taking a really long break from this thing and say,

"well, i haven't posted in a while"

but i'm not going to do that.

i have to write a narritive story for one of my classes, and i wasn't sure of how i may do the format.

i was thinking of doing it from the point of view of someone who has to write a narritive for one of his classes, and chooses to write it based on a true story of him and his best friend from kentucky who writes letters back and forth to him.

both of those would be based on true events since i do have to write a narritive, and i do have a friend who writes letters to me from kentucky,
although, it seems like we have stopped, i sent a letter to her about a month or so ago, and i have yet to get one back!

i hope she hasn't forgotten about me.

this week is going to be a great week.

so many things planned,
so many great things planned.

the potential for this week to be a great week is just way through the roof, and i have a feeling that everything about it is going to be awesome!!

plus, it is supposed to storm tomorrow,
i love storms.

i love being alone and just playing music while a storm is going on, it makes for a fantastic worship experience.

it feels like God is responding back to you in a much more special, different way through the storm.

i'm back!
glad to hear from you all again! :)

Update

i am posting this to say that there will be an actual real post tomorrow night.

Fire

i had no clue that it was 2 am.

probably half of it has to do with the fact that i am not tired at all.

today was a good day.

my pastor spoke in chapel and he did great. all of my friends told me they loved him, which is good, because i love him too.

after that, class, where i turned in my first college research paper, hopefully it is awesome.

then lunch with jolene, taylor, and madi.

then hangout time with ansley and maddie, i miss them.

then naptime with myself.

then i hit up wal mart with taylor madi and elisabeth.
was it awesome.
no doubt.

jb, jolene, and charles were already there.

then we ate dinner, and jolene and charles left us, so it was just us and jb.

came back to campus and i watched glee with taylor and jared and a bunch of weird people in the nora chambers lobby.
they probably all had some affiliation with the greek club tko, because they all looked like they were over 30.

then we hit up the cliffs out past bowater, which is a legit place, even in the dark.

we built a fire, added anna, kaylynn, katie, and peter to our group, and just jammed out in the wilderness as i played guitar.

relationship building is great, jb and jared are becoming my really good friends, which is good, i need a few brothers up here at lee.


im going home tomorrow for fall break, then chaperoning a church trip, which will be awesome.

i am going to miss all my friends over the break, and i can't wait to see them again and give them a really big hug.

speaking of, i also miss meredith. she's in texas, and it is undetermined how long she will be there.
im praying for her and her family. i can't wait to see her again too.

:)

Puzzle

my phone is so broken right now.

it doesn't always send or receive messages, it turns off by itself, and most of the keyboard doesn't work.

so i'll be getting a new phone wednesday.

this morning i woke up bright and early!

i never do that on weekends, but i wanted to eat breakfast with meredith.
she left early for texas today. she is going down there, probably for about 2 weeks to be with her family.
i'm gonna miss her the next 2 weeks, and i'm gonna pray for her and her family every day.

after breakfast, i went back to sleep cuz i was so tired woke up at 11, and then just stayed in my room until about 520 working on a research paper.

it took so long, and it was so boring.

but im done.

yes! i am done with my first college research paper!

i hope it is good and doesn't suck.
i think its pretty good. i think i will get a good grade.

fall break is this week, i'm so excited to go home and chaperone for fall retreat.

hit up dinner with joy and danielle, its always good to see them. I love them alot, and i am glad that they came to visit this weekend.

i got a puzzle today.
probably the funnest puzzle i have ever put together in my life.
probably just because of the hidden meaning behind it.
but regardless, it was great.

i hope you smile when you read this. :)

Future

today was a strange day.

a sad day, yet a happy day all at the same time.

i tried to sort a few things out, but i don't think he actually understood my side of the story.

regardless of how he feels right now, i feel at peace for going to him and telling him straight up.

i love honesty, i want people to be straight up with me, so thats how i roll with them. thats exactly what i did, and so i feel good about myself regardless of how he still feels towards me.

i got my research paper about halfway done today, which is good, i suck at writing things, especially research papers.

i feel like my life is getting better in a weird way.
i know i am maturing in many different ways, and it just gets me so pumped to see the person i am going to be for the rest of my life.

life.

my future.

i can't wait.

God has something good for me, i wanna get to that place soon. :)

Repair

strange.

yesterday's post what somewhat interesting to me.

i ended up revising it multiple times. overall i think it made it better.

it was how i was feeling, and i feel like i got it all out in that post.
it felt good, to write like that.

i've never been good at writing, by "literary standards" but what i wrote yesterday was beautiful to me, and thats all that matters.

i was able to express feelings in a different way, and it was extremely liberating.



i feel like i am maturing.

slowly.

i think i am starting to become the person that i will be for the rest of my life. which is a good thing.
it means i am growing mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
im excited to see how i change, and i know it will be for the better.

today, i began mending some relationships.

tomorrow, i will continue to mend other relationships.

or try to at least, i hope they see that i genuinely care about them and how they feel, and that the way things worked out were a complete accident. i hope i can show them the truth, and i hope that i can slowly start rebuilding trust.

i'm going to play the piano now.
goodnight.

Wait

it is intricate.

it is beautiful.

it is incredibly unique.

i attempt to put everything together, yet every single time i think i have found the right piece i just turn it over and find out that it wasn't what i expected.

it has no picture to go by, it is only something in my mind i can imagine. but when i try to imagine what it looks like, it does not do it justice.

it is like i already know what it will look like, yet i don't have a clue what it will look like.

whenever my fingers slide across the table, searching for a new piece, i go on a journey. a new insane adventure and i don't know what kind of situation i will get into, and i love every minute of it.

it frustrates me, and i feel like i can't do it sometimes, but i still stick with it. i mean, with the knowledge of how incredibly breathtaking it will look on the day when it is finally finished, of how when all of the pieces come together to make an image of something so indescribably great, of how unfathomable it will be when i stand back and take a look at the finished project, how can i give up when i am expecting something so amazing.

i know i won't be disappointed.

i know.

but when people see it, they say "thats not working, its too hard, you will never complete it." i just ignore them.
it helps to keep your mind focused. even those who are enthusiasts may say, "this will never work, it will never become the beautiful picture you are expecting." i take into account what they are saying, but i still press on toward the goal, my will cannot be broken because the end result is so totally worth it that nothing could stop me now.

but when i just get stuck in a rut, when i have no other options but to take a break, i do just that.

i wait.

when i cannot figure out which two pieces go together,

i wait.

when i forget about what the grand finale' will look like,

i wait.

when people come up to me and attempt to change my mind, or tell me it can never be done,

i wait.

but i don't really want to wait, because i really am looking forward to the completion.

i dont want to wait because i fear that when i come back to finish it, it will be gone.

yet,

i wait because something good will come of this.

i wait because i feel i will be letting someone down if i dont finish it.

i wait,

because it IS WORTH IT,

i wait.

and i continue waiting as long as it takes, until it finally comes together in a beautiful arrangement of shapes, colors, tears, joy, love, happiness and laughter.

because,

it is worth it.



-Torrey Barnett

Late

wow.
busy busy weekend.

awesome awesome weekend!!

i went to cincinnati, ohio this weekend with meredith, madi, and ben.

this trip was incredible. i love road trips, you always end up loving the people who you go with more than you already do.
road trips are the best!!

cincy was a beautiful city, and i would love to go back there someday.

friday we hit the road, took a wrong turn into indiana, and then made our way back on the right path, and got to ohio!

we went straight to ben's house to drop him off and then went directly to uc!
when we dropped off ben, we picked up a girl named lizzy.
she is meredith's best friend, and she is legit one of the coolest people ever.

mat kearney just happened to be in concert there that night, and he did great. his voice sounds exactly the same as it does on his cd, which is very hard for musicians to accomplish during live shows, but he did it.

good job mat kearney.

after that we went to a place called skyline chili to eat, but it like wasnt real chili, it was cincys own version of chili, and it was still good.

they said, usually people from out of state dont like it, but i liked it.

then we went to meredith's friends dorm room, and met her and her roommate.

i dont think i would be able to function correctly at uc. everything just seemed way too chaotic for me, and everyone was drunk.
i wouldnt like to live there i think. i would much rather just stick to the atmosphere that lee provides.

we went back to meredith's house, and we watched the next episode of the office, and the first episode of glee.

after that, madi had fallen asleep, so me and mer ended up just talking until like 4 am.

it was really fun learning all about her and her family and life.

saturday madi, mer, and i went to a place called shaw pumpkin farm,
there was an awesome corn maze, and we didnt finish it, but we got our free pumpkins anyways. then we went to a grocery store and got stuff to make carmel apples.

carmel apples were kind of a phail, but it was really fun to make them, even though lizzy burnt my hand by slinging boiling carmel at me.

but in the end, i think they turned out alright.

then we just were lazy and watched a movie about a one hit wonder band and it was really good.

we went to a place called chipotle, and it was really good, and then we went to a place for cincinnati ice cream, called greaters ice cream, and it was awesome!

after that we went back to mer's house and watched the next episode of glee, and then talked for a long time again.

talking to her was lots of fun.

sunday we went to lunch with meredith's parents and then hit the road.

on the way back, everyone slept, except madi, she had to drive, so if she had slept, that woulda sucked.

we made it back just in time for convocation too, so that was good.

that was my weekend.
awesome right?
yes.

i like meredith.
she is really awesome, and i thought that we would just end up being really good friends, but something happened during our friendship that was extremely unexpected, and i accidentally fell for her.

i was pleasantly surprised by this and i think that the future is going to keep getting better and better.

anyways.

peace.