Dream

i just woke up from a nap, and a very strage dream.

i fell asleep listening to my itunes, so it was one of those dreams where things happening in real life affect your dreams.

i was in a room with about 7 or 8 people, all of them my friends, and they found a large puzzle.

i put my headphones in and began to work on the puzzle, the song playing on my ipod was "first day of my life" by bright eyes.

i was working on the puzzle with my friends, and about a minute into the puzzle, i took over, and i wouldn't let anyone else touch it or help me out with the puzzle.

i worked for a while, the song playing the entire time, and i ended up finishing it, all except one little section of it.

i began to cry, and no matter how hard i tried i couldn't finish the puzzle.

i asked my friends for help, and they said something, but i couldn't hear them so i pulled out my earbuds, but the music was still the same volume, and they were telling me something, but i still couldn't hear it.

i began to run around the table, and frantically attempt to finish the puzzle and i was crying.

after i woke up, i looked at my itunes and hit the back button a few times til i found the song.

it was about the third or fourth song back.

i know this dream has a meaning, but its very blurry.

im confused.

Search

stop.

what's happening?

take a moment, take it in.

the solemn, lonely silence that surrounds you. where did it come from?

just moments ago so much was happening.

but now...

silence.

shh.

what happened to the birds in the air? where have they gone?
the laughter that made my day, the smile, the warmth, where is it?

is it lost?
if it is, i would be more than happy to help find it.
i'm looking for it so hard, but have yet to find anything.

it's like trying to solve a puzzle, when you don't have all of the peices.

a large, empty space that makes it look damaged, ugly, and incomplete.

i'm looking,

i'm searching.

i'm working,
for an answer.

an answer that may never come,
either way, i'm still going to look for it until i find it.

but what if i never find it?

i'll just have to wait,
i'll just have to be patient until i do find it.

and hopefully, it will be exactly what i am looking for.

Inadequacy

this entire week has seemed very blah.

not just to me, but many of my friends have expressed laments to me about this week.

i think we are just all to that point in the semester where we are just all homesick and everyone is getting exhausted with everything they are having to do and all the extracurricular activities they participate in.

i don't feel homesick or anything, i just think it makes me feel inadequate when people start talking about how much they miss their old friends from home.

but i need to remember, not everyone lives 45 minutes away from home.

but i am human, so i do feel like i'm not up to par whenever people talk about it. but there is nothing i can do about it.

i think thats mostly the reason why the week has been bad for me, but everyone has different, yet legitimate reasons.

after talking with people tonight about this week, and how they feel about it, and what it has been like to them i just felt like something about it needed to be addressed.

so to round out the week, i decided to go to chilhowee with some really good friends and just look at the stars. i love stargazing.

i dont understand how people don't believe that there is a God after looking at the incredibly complex beauty of literally every single thing around them. i don't think some people realize just how big God actually is.

i just stared at the sky in awe of the wonder and majesty of God and just thought about how great He is and how his love for us is so insanely incomprehensible.

the overall mood of the week has been overshadowed by tonight, and everything tonight made me realize how small i was, and how small my problems were, and how small everyone else's problems were. God can handle anything, so...

to those of you who feel inadequate...
you are more than satisfactory in His eyes

to those of you who feel unloved...
He has a love for you that is greater than anyone else's love for anything

to those of you who feel helpless...
He is a rock and foundation to help you through whatever the problem

to those of you who feel homesick...
He longs for you to make your home in his presence

to those of you who miss someone...
He will provide you the strength and will to endure until you see them again

to those of you who just don't understand...
He gives a peace that surpasses all understanding

to all of my friends...
just stick it out, things are going to get rough, and even though this is everyone's first little rough patch, if you just stick with it everything will be worth it. every friendship you make, every conversation you have, all of your time here will all eventually make sense, you just have to stick with it, be COMPLETELY honest with one another and don't keep your feelings a secret. don't give up on each other, don't give up on me, and don't give up on God. the reward for sticking with it through good times and bad times will be so indescribably worth it, so just keep focused on God, and keep your eyes on the goal.

everything will be okay.

just stick with it.

i love all of you, and i value each and every one of your friendships.
this is for you guys.

:)

Slingshot

i'm running on 2 hours of sleep since 730 on tuesday, so tonight will be short.

i'm really not sure what to write about tonight. for some reason i have lots of mixed feelings and am really confused about a bunch of things.

i think some sleep finally will help, but also some really intense quiet time will be really good too.
i'm looking forward to that.

brendan, elisabeth, and i led worship at my church tonight, it went really well i thought.

sometimes, when God wants you to move forward, he takes you backward first.
you want to move forward, but you keep going backwards, and feel like no progress is being made and you are super confused at why you're moving backwards, and God keeps taking you that way.

its like a slingshot.

God pulls you all the way backwards until you're at full capacity, ready to be released, and then he just shoots you forwards at full speed.

God works in weird ways huh?

:)

Storms

well, it seems to be that time again!

that time where i come back from taking a really long break from this thing and say,

"well, i haven't posted in a while"

but i'm not going to do that.

i have to write a narritive story for one of my classes, and i wasn't sure of how i may do the format.

i was thinking of doing it from the point of view of someone who has to write a narritive for one of his classes, and chooses to write it based on a true story of him and his best friend from kentucky who writes letters back and forth to him.

both of those would be based on true events since i do have to write a narritive, and i do have a friend who writes letters to me from kentucky,
although, it seems like we have stopped, i sent a letter to her about a month or so ago, and i have yet to get one back!

i hope she hasn't forgotten about me.

this week is going to be a great week.

so many things planned,
so many great things planned.

the potential for this week to be a great week is just way through the roof, and i have a feeling that everything about it is going to be awesome!!

plus, it is supposed to storm tomorrow,
i love storms.

i love being alone and just playing music while a storm is going on, it makes for a fantastic worship experience.

it feels like God is responding back to you in a much more special, different way through the storm.

i'm back!
glad to hear from you all again! :)

Update

i am posting this to say that there will be an actual real post tomorrow night.

Fire

i had no clue that it was 2 am.

probably half of it has to do with the fact that i am not tired at all.

today was a good day.

my pastor spoke in chapel and he did great. all of my friends told me they loved him, which is good, because i love him too.

after that, class, where i turned in my first college research paper, hopefully it is awesome.

then lunch with jolene, taylor, and madi.

then hangout time with ansley and maddie, i miss them.

then naptime with myself.

then i hit up wal mart with taylor madi and elisabeth.
was it awesome.
no doubt.

jb, jolene, and charles were already there.

then we ate dinner, and jolene and charles left us, so it was just us and jb.

came back to campus and i watched glee with taylor and jared and a bunch of weird people in the nora chambers lobby.
they probably all had some affiliation with the greek club tko, because they all looked like they were over 30.

then we hit up the cliffs out past bowater, which is a legit place, even in the dark.

we built a fire, added anna, kaylynn, katie, and peter to our group, and just jammed out in the wilderness as i played guitar.

relationship building is great, jb and jared are becoming my really good friends, which is good, i need a few brothers up here at lee.


im going home tomorrow for fall break, then chaperoning a church trip, which will be awesome.

i am going to miss all my friends over the break, and i can't wait to see them again and give them a really big hug.

speaking of, i also miss meredith. she's in texas, and it is undetermined how long she will be there.
im praying for her and her family. i can't wait to see her again too.

:)

Puzzle

my phone is so broken right now.

it doesn't always send or receive messages, it turns off by itself, and most of the keyboard doesn't work.

so i'll be getting a new phone wednesday.

this morning i woke up bright and early!

i never do that on weekends, but i wanted to eat breakfast with meredith.
she left early for texas today. she is going down there, probably for about 2 weeks to be with her family.
i'm gonna miss her the next 2 weeks, and i'm gonna pray for her and her family every day.

after breakfast, i went back to sleep cuz i was so tired woke up at 11, and then just stayed in my room until about 520 working on a research paper.

it took so long, and it was so boring.

but im done.

yes! i am done with my first college research paper!

i hope it is good and doesn't suck.
i think its pretty good. i think i will get a good grade.

fall break is this week, i'm so excited to go home and chaperone for fall retreat.

hit up dinner with joy and danielle, its always good to see them. I love them alot, and i am glad that they came to visit this weekend.

i got a puzzle today.
probably the funnest puzzle i have ever put together in my life.
probably just because of the hidden meaning behind it.
but regardless, it was great.

i hope you smile when you read this. :)

Future

today was a strange day.

a sad day, yet a happy day all at the same time.

i tried to sort a few things out, but i don't think he actually understood my side of the story.

regardless of how he feels right now, i feel at peace for going to him and telling him straight up.

i love honesty, i want people to be straight up with me, so thats how i roll with them. thats exactly what i did, and so i feel good about myself regardless of how he still feels towards me.

i got my research paper about halfway done today, which is good, i suck at writing things, especially research papers.

i feel like my life is getting better in a weird way.
i know i am maturing in many different ways, and it just gets me so pumped to see the person i am going to be for the rest of my life.

life.

my future.

i can't wait.

God has something good for me, i wanna get to that place soon. :)

Repair

strange.

yesterday's post what somewhat interesting to me.

i ended up revising it multiple times. overall i think it made it better.

it was how i was feeling, and i feel like i got it all out in that post.
it felt good, to write like that.

i've never been good at writing, by "literary standards" but what i wrote yesterday was beautiful to me, and thats all that matters.

i was able to express feelings in a different way, and it was extremely liberating.



i feel like i am maturing.

slowly.

i think i am starting to become the person that i will be for the rest of my life. which is a good thing.
it means i am growing mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
im excited to see how i change, and i know it will be for the better.

today, i began mending some relationships.

tomorrow, i will continue to mend other relationships.

or try to at least, i hope they see that i genuinely care about them and how they feel, and that the way things worked out were a complete accident. i hope i can show them the truth, and i hope that i can slowly start rebuilding trust.

i'm going to play the piano now.
goodnight.

Wait

it is intricate.

it is beautiful.

it is incredibly unique.

i attempt to put everything together, yet every single time i think i have found the right piece i just turn it over and find out that it wasn't what i expected.

it has no picture to go by, it is only something in my mind i can imagine. but when i try to imagine what it looks like, it does not do it justice.

it is like i already know what it will look like, yet i don't have a clue what it will look like.

whenever my fingers slide across the table, searching for a new piece, i go on a journey. a new insane adventure and i don't know what kind of situation i will get into, and i love every minute of it.

it frustrates me, and i feel like i can't do it sometimes, but i still stick with it. i mean, with the knowledge of how incredibly breathtaking it will look on the day when it is finally finished, of how when all of the pieces come together to make an image of something so indescribably great, of how unfathomable it will be when i stand back and take a look at the finished project, how can i give up when i am expecting something so amazing.

i know i won't be disappointed.

i know.

but when people see it, they say "thats not working, its too hard, you will never complete it." i just ignore them.
it helps to keep your mind focused. even those who are enthusiasts may say, "this will never work, it will never become the beautiful picture you are expecting." i take into account what they are saying, but i still press on toward the goal, my will cannot be broken because the end result is so totally worth it that nothing could stop me now.

but when i just get stuck in a rut, when i have no other options but to take a break, i do just that.

i wait.

when i cannot figure out which two pieces go together,

i wait.

when i forget about what the grand finale' will look like,

i wait.

when people come up to me and attempt to change my mind, or tell me it can never be done,

i wait.

but i don't really want to wait, because i really am looking forward to the completion.

i dont want to wait because i fear that when i come back to finish it, it will be gone.

yet,

i wait because something good will come of this.

i wait because i feel i will be letting someone down if i dont finish it.

i wait,

because it IS WORTH IT,

i wait.

and i continue waiting as long as it takes, until it finally comes together in a beautiful arrangement of shapes, colors, tears, joy, love, happiness and laughter.

because,

it is worth it.



-Torrey Barnett

Late

wow.
busy busy weekend.

awesome awesome weekend!!

i went to cincinnati, ohio this weekend with meredith, madi, and ben.

this trip was incredible. i love road trips, you always end up loving the people who you go with more than you already do.
road trips are the best!!

cincy was a beautiful city, and i would love to go back there someday.

friday we hit the road, took a wrong turn into indiana, and then made our way back on the right path, and got to ohio!

we went straight to ben's house to drop him off and then went directly to uc!
when we dropped off ben, we picked up a girl named lizzy.
she is meredith's best friend, and she is legit one of the coolest people ever.

mat kearney just happened to be in concert there that night, and he did great. his voice sounds exactly the same as it does on his cd, which is very hard for musicians to accomplish during live shows, but he did it.

good job mat kearney.

after that we went to a place called skyline chili to eat, but it like wasnt real chili, it was cincys own version of chili, and it was still good.

they said, usually people from out of state dont like it, but i liked it.

then we went to meredith's friends dorm room, and met her and her roommate.

i dont think i would be able to function correctly at uc. everything just seemed way too chaotic for me, and everyone was drunk.
i wouldnt like to live there i think. i would much rather just stick to the atmosphere that lee provides.

we went back to meredith's house, and we watched the next episode of the office, and the first episode of glee.

after that, madi had fallen asleep, so me and mer ended up just talking until like 4 am.

it was really fun learning all about her and her family and life.

saturday madi, mer, and i went to a place called shaw pumpkin farm,
there was an awesome corn maze, and we didnt finish it, but we got our free pumpkins anyways. then we went to a grocery store and got stuff to make carmel apples.

carmel apples were kind of a phail, but it was really fun to make them, even though lizzy burnt my hand by slinging boiling carmel at me.

but in the end, i think they turned out alright.

then we just were lazy and watched a movie about a one hit wonder band and it was really good.

we went to a place called chipotle, and it was really good, and then we went to a place for cincinnati ice cream, called greaters ice cream, and it was awesome!

after that we went back to mer's house and watched the next episode of glee, and then talked for a long time again.

talking to her was lots of fun.

sunday we went to lunch with meredith's parents and then hit the road.

on the way back, everyone slept, except madi, she had to drive, so if she had slept, that woulda sucked.

we made it back just in time for convocation too, so that was good.

that was my weekend.
awesome right?
yes.

i like meredith.
she is really awesome, and i thought that we would just end up being really good friends, but something happened during our friendship that was extremely unexpected, and i accidentally fell for her.

i was pleasantly surprised by this and i think that the future is going to keep getting better and better.

anyways.

peace.

Laughs.

today was average. until tonight.

after class i ate lunch with meredith, madi, brendan, taylor, and elisabeth.
then i waited around, and ate sat with ali zach and jekah while they ate.

then i came back to the room and did some homework until dinnertime.

i ate dinner, starting off with jolene, jb, and charles. then madi, meredith, taylor, elisabeth, jared, phil, tim, hanna and others came and ate with us.

after dinner, elisabeth and i went to the music building because she wanted to hear me play piano, and i wanted to hear her make mouth and throat noises.

she is good at singing, she should do it professionally.

we had personal bonding time tonight, and that was good, cuz i have never gotten one on one time with elisabeth.

then i went with her to the slc meeting. it was more like a dedication thing, but i think i am going to get involved in student leadership council, it seems like a really cool thing to get involved with.

after that, it was open dorm time!

all you non lee people get to have that all the time, so you don't realize how big a deal this is.

we didnt really hang out in my room, because my roommate doesnt smell good, and he makes the room not smell good too with all his insane amount of garlic and weird organic body odor. so we just hung out in brendans room, then over in jb and jared's room.

then we headed over to jazzmans, saw kaylyn, and it was open dorm in sharp/davis, so we went over to her room and just chilled and talked.

then we left out, and meredith had a bad day today, so she asked me to go to jazzmans with her and talk.
jazzmans was crowded, so we just left and walked around campus and talked.

overall i had a really really good night.

Stars

what a super insane awesome day!

it started off bad, because late last night my roommate knocked my phone off of my dresser, and the battery fell out, and so my alarm didn't go off.

well, he didnt bother to wake me up til 10 minutes before class.
so thanks to him my day almost sucked.

but then, everyone else made it better.

went to class, and had chapel.

chapel was really good, i liked the message that the guy had today.

then i ate lunch, because my after chapel class was canceled.

it was nice to eat lunch at before 1.

i ate with ali, chad, and nick.

all legit people.

i met chad a while back, but just have really started gettin to know him and hangin out, nick i just met last night, he seems cool, and ali, well she is only my very best friend!!! :) and i love her.

then a bunch of people from a different table came over and like literally everyone from the table came and sat with us, so we all hung out at the table and talked for a good bit.

i love building friendships.

after lunch, i sent a letter, and then came back to my room to take a nap. i forgot to set my alarm, so when i went to sleep it was 2, and when i woke up, it was 5.
dangit.

i took too long of a nap.

oh well, i just woke up and kept the day going!

i went to dinner with ali and phil.
then i went to a second dinner, it was like an event though, like a social injustice awareness event.
i led worship with jeremiah and travis. i love leading worship.

im all for social justice and social justice orginizations, but i feel like there are some things they could be doing differently.

for example, 3rd world countries arent the only places that social injustice occours.
why don't you guys take a look out in the backyard. it happens in america all the time.

also, why not spend the money that you use to put on events to raise awareness to fight more social injustices, because they are happening everywhere, all the time.

thats how i feel.

after the social injustice thing, i hung out with meredith.
she is a really cool person, and i am glad her and i are becoming good friends.

we talked alot tonight about alot of things, and we really got to know each other way better, and we became better friends i think, and i am really excited to see how our friendship is going to grow over the next 4 years.

this weekend, i am going with her and ben and madi and clay up to cincinatti ohio!

im so pumped, i have never been there before, and i am looking forward to a new experience.

the weather today was great, this morning i was on my way to class, and a great song came on the ipod, and it became my new favorite song, and my feel good song for the day.

savannah by relient k.

look it up yo.

now i am off to download the songs whip it, and footloose.

peaceoutyo.

Jam

what a great day today was!!
to begin my day, i had gateway class.
then psychology.
then old testament.
then lunch.
after lunch i went to my room, the bank, and then the gas station. to get gas.

when i got back, it was about time for me to go, so i left.

what did i do?

tonight, i led worship back at my hometown.

my church was holding a block party and needed a band, so i got together with some people that i knew were really good at making sounds with instruments and voices and we started a band.

rachel, caleb, jesse, and jeremiah and i all went down, and led worship on a flatbed truck, in downtown dalton, without a bass player.

well, we had one, and then his car wouldn't start, so he was stuck here in cleveland, then we found someone who said they played bass in a heavy metal band.

when we handed him the bass, he was like, "now which note is c?"
so he played like half of the first song, then just sat down.

this awesome group of musicians had never ever played together at all before today. not even a practice!
and after we got the problem of crappy equipment and lack of someone to run the sound correctly, we actually sounded pretty good by the end of the 2nd song.

it started raining, and we still played.

my grandpa tried to climb up on the stage while we were playing, and i had to tell him that i was busy and i would talk to him later, in the middle of one of our songs. thats why i love him.

after the block party we ate at zaxbys and had really awesome bonding time.

i love getting closer to friends.

i really hope this band thing goes somewhere because we did awesome together.

on the way back, me and jeremiah jammed out to some insane songs in my truck.
we are good at singing.

then we came back to campus, and i was all like bored and junk, so i was like, hey meredith, whats crackin, and so we hung out for a while.
she is awesome and is becoming one of my best friends.

i love her! :)

we hung out for a while and then we went to tharp, where we watched a movie.

who all was there??
some really crazy awesome people.

ali, shante, michael, maddie, abby, haley, meredith, jared, taylor, and janie. all of whom who are really awesome and i love.

the movie thing was ali's idea. she is good at having fun! she is the best, i love her.

God is good, he blessed me today in so many ways.
i love him, he is so awesome!!!

peace out yo.

Break

starting friday night, i took a break.

why? i was just really really tired every night and really didn't want to stay up and write.
but now i am back again, just like slim shady!

friday was celebration, but i hit the snooze button on my alarm, then when it went off again i didn't wake up! so i ended up not even participating in any part of celebration.

at 2 on friday, i went home, and stayed there for like 30 minutes, then i got on facebook and noticed that ali was sad because it was her birthday weekend and she was homesick and most of her friends had left for the weekend, so i bought her pink roses, and went back up to get her, and i brought her home with me.

we went to a football game at my old high school. i'm glad that i am done with there, because that place really sucks.

the next day we went to cartersville and went to a birthday party for a really awesome kid that is in children's church, and tiffany and chelsea were there, and it was really really fun.

we came back to school that night and just hung out until midnight, and then i was the first to tell ali happy birthday!

this morning, i went to redemption pointe church in ooltewah and i love that place. God is there, and he likes that place. a deaf guy was there, and he went up to the altar today, we all prayed for him, and God healed him!! it was awsome!!

i think i am going to start going there on sundays.

then i set up my new printer, and then a big group of us went to chattanooga and we all went out to eat for mine and ali's birthday, we went to big river grille, in downtown chatt. everyone who came is really awesome, and i love them all.

then on the way back, me, josh, meredith, madi, and joel had a backstreet boys/britney spears party in joshs car.

when we got back, i went to the ped mall, and hung out with hanna for a bit, and that was fun, then we saw elisabeth and taylor and jared, i missed them this weekend so it was good to see them!

then i met new people!! yes, i love new people!

holly and jessie are really cool people, and they are really pretty too!
im excited to get to know them!!

tomorrow i will restart the blog!!! :)

peace out yo!!

None.

i don't really want to write a blog tonight.

way too many emotions going on in my head.

i have to get them all straight, so i decided to write a blog that says that i will not be blogging tonight.

irony.

i had a great birthday.

the end.

Best Friends

today was really really awesome because i had a baby.

no i didnt. that would be weird.

but it was really awesome!

i did classes, like normal, and they were nice and routine.

then after that i went to lunch!! i ate with awesome people, then stayed in there for a little longer, and ate with more awesome people!

then i went back to my dorm and texted mickey for a little while, but he thought i was meredith.

we switched our numbers in mickey's phone, so that when he thought he was talking to meredith he was really talking to me and vice versa. he never knew!! we went to the dining hall and had a nice dinner, and then meredith, elisabeth, kaylyn and i all went to north cleveland church of God and watched campus choir perform which was awesome, they are so good at singing.

then we left and i played piano a little bit in my room, then i met up at the pcsu with mickey meredith, elisabeth, and ryan.
during that i got a text from ali and she was all like im hungry, so i went to steak n shake with her.
we made fun of some gay guys on a date there that sat weird. the waitress kept calling me and ali cute (we arent dating) and saying that we looked like jamie lyn spears and ben stiller. nice try, but you arent getting a good tip that easy you funny toothed redneck woman!
then on our way back to campus, we had a super meaningful conversation. and when we got back to campus we hung out
and then when it turned midnight, she jumped on me and yelled alot! it was alot of fun! i love her so so so so much!! she is my best friend ever.

when i got back to the dorm, i found out that i have the greatest friends ever! I looked at facebook and had like 10 birthday messages in like 5 minutes of being my birthday, lots of txts on my phone, a few phone calls! incredible. i have the best friends ever.

ever.
period.

i love my friends. all of them.

peace out.

Wisdom

not much happened today that was really noteworthy today.
woke up, class, chapel, class. done.

i got to know taylor a little better today. she is really really cool, and a super nice girl, her and her boyfriend are awesome, and i hope they will get married.

i had a frisbee game tonight, against the rat pack, they were really good, they are all on the club ultimate frisbee team, and we held them to 6 points, and scored 3 on them.
i was satisfied with my performance, i played super hard tonight, probably the hardest i have ever played, and it was fun.

then i went to ali's softball game and hung out with all of my awesome friends!

tonight, 2 of my really good friends (one of them being my all time best friend) told me something (not at the same time) i didn't really wanna hear, but really needed to hear.

but they both told me literally the same exact thing too.

i really want to listen to them, and take heed to their advice, but the only problem is that when i get my heart set on something, it really becomes hard for me to drop.

im in a pickle.

but i really really really trust these 2.

i need to sleep on it.
peace out.

Dreams

i am starving right now.

today, when i woke up, i was in a really good mood.

i dont know why, but i was.

i got ready, noticed my hair was getting kinda long, and then headed out for gateway class.
we built marshmallow towers, which was fun, and my group made the best one ever.

then we went to psych class, and me and rachel discussed what we are going to be doing for the city of refuge block party at my church next week. we are leading worship, and it is going to be awesome.

i made a 100 on my psych test. yes.

i had an old testament test today, and i feel pretty good about it, just a few things i was unsure about.

i got to see ali, i missed her, even though she was just gone for a weekend, it felt like forever, and we have so much to talk about still!

i had lunch, hung out at atkins elliis, then i came back to the dorm and took a nice nap.

when i woke up, time had flown by, and it was already 5:30.
holy crap! i was supposed to meed meredith and madi for madi's birthday dinner.
so i hurried up and ran to the ped mall, but they were late anyways.

we ate at this asian place called fulin's and it was really good.
taylor, clay, hanna, elisabeth, brendan, and mickey went too.
during dinner we did this thing where we went around the table and told our first impressions of each other. that was really really cool, getting to listen to some of the stories and being able to tell mine and what i truly thought about the people at the table. and also hearing what they thought about me was really cool too. i love bonding time, it always makes me feel so good, and like im gaining more best friends all the time.

we blindfolded madi, and took her to the skating rink, i didnt stay long though, i had homework to do, so i went with cory and stephani back to campus and we had a really fun car ride back.

then i went to burger king with jen to get her and her roommate taylor coke icees. the guys in the drive thru behind us kept hitting on jen throught their actions and facial expressions, if that makes any sense.

then i got back and played frisbee. my intramural team is the greatest team on campus, just saying.
we are the pyromaniacs, and we are 3-0.

then i came back, did some homework with mickey and ben, and now im in bed.
i cant wait, and i hope i have some dreams tonight, i love having dreams, good or bad.

it makes me feel like i can live in a fictional world which is really cool.

i've been thinking about writing a book lately, based on my life, and all the people i have ever encountered, and how they have affected my life. it would be fictional, but based on real things.
should i?
we will see.

oh, and elisabeth...
blog writing is not just for dumb high schoolers.
:P

:)

9.5

my new friend madi is turning 19 on september 20, and i wasn't sure what to get her as far as presents go. and due to a lack of job and dwindling bank account, i decided on something that she cant physically hold, but something more sentimental.
im not sure how sentimental this will be because i'm just starting to get to know her, but i'm going to try my best to make her feel special and let her know that i love her.

so here goes.

nine and a half things i love (or think i will love) about madi macdonald

1. she is from seattle, washington.
i have only been to seattle one time, and it was a crazyawesome place, and im sure that only supercrazyawesome people can
come from such a sweet place, that that is exactly what she is.

2. she is taller than me.
how is this something i can like? i'm a pretty short guy, 5"6', and usually short guys don't like it when girls are taller than them.
well, every girl that i have ever met has been super nice and i haven't yet met a girl who was taller than me who was mean, madi
is no exception.

3. she is very pretty.
madi is a super beautiful girl. she has brown eyes, very pretty dark brown hair, and a dark complexion. its such a beautiful
combination, and i doubt she will not have any trouble finding a guy for her here.

4. her birthday is really really close to mine.
my birthday is september 23rd, thats like 3 days away from hers! people with september birthdays are the best, fo sho,

5. she pays attention really well in old testament.
the only class i have with madi, is old testament, with dr. alderman.
he is a nice guy, he just makes me nervous the way he acts all nervous all the time. plus most of the people around me are
busy doing facebook or skype or something, but madi pays attention, and that will come in handy, not just for her, but for
me too. :P

6. she knows how to have an awesome time.
this weekend i went on a camping trip with madi. i got to ride with her to get tacos because someone had locked the hot
dogs in the car with their keys. so we made a taco bell/walmart run, and it was a buttload of fun having her in the car with
us.

7. she thinks i can sing well.
i'm one of those people who can hit a few notes in a row, and sound good for like 3 seconds, but after that my voice just
goes crazy. she gave me a compliment on my voice the other night, so to all you haters... eat it. madi is all the approval that
my voice needs.

8. she laughs alot.
a sense of humor in my opinion is probably the best quality anyone could ever have. you gotta be able to laugh, and madi
can. another plus is she laughs at my jokes, so it makes me feel good. :)

9. i think that she will enjoy this.
madi reads my blog anyways, and so having an entire blog dedicated to her i hope will make her day. and if it doesn't, im
sorry i couldn't get her a better birthday present. plus she seems like the sentimental type, so i hope this makes her day.

9.5. madi has the...
this one is pretty much self explanitory.

i love you madi! happy birthday!

Ben

there is so much to say. so much i did yesterday.

i didn't write yesterday, because i was too busy having the time of my life.

last night, i went camping with a big group of people, and i feel like i got closer to all of them.
i was hesitant to go at first.

thursday i was invited to go during a study session.

in my mind, i thought, im not sure if i want to go, but i really want to get to know more people.
so i went, and i dont regret it.

i really broke out of my shell last night, it was awesome and i feel way more comfortable around them all now, i can finally be myself.

this sentence is dedicated to jared mattson, because he is the on who invited me to go.
this sentence is dedicated to madi, just because shes awesome.
this sentence is dedicated to josh, because he was the person i knew the most when we went
this sentence is dedicated to merideth, because she and i had so much fun, and got to be better friends last night when we got lost.
this sentence is dedicated to rachel, because she is the nicest and coolest person that was there for sure. :)

so to start off my night we all met in the ped mall, to work out our rides. ali ended up riding with me, but then we stopped at wal mart. mickey, phil, and ali left us, because they had important things they needed to to before today.

so meredith rode the rest of the way with me.
we ended up being seperated from the group, so we had to find the campsite by ourselves.
we found a house, that looked like a ufo, awesome, and then we realized we were going the wrong way and turned around. we got on the road that we were supposed to be on, but we couldn't find the road to take us to the campsite.
we found this church.

it had the perfect name, suck creek baptist church.

what did we do?

well, there was a sign, with rearrangabale letters.

we rearranged those letters so hard, and we made it say something extremely hilarious.

so we find the campsite finally and the park ranger says that the campsite is closed for the night.
we tell our friends, and the park ranger kicked them out, and jakeh called his stepdad who owns land on the river, and we went and just camped out there on the river.

we had a bonfire, made smores, talked, played guitar, and just hung out and looked at the stars.

at 5:30, i drove rachel and ben back to campus because they had to be back because campus chior and singers were going on tour this week.

i really wanted to watch the sunrise, but we got back too early.

on a different note, i want to express one of my fears.
the fear of the friend zone.

i feel like im slowly falling into the friend zone with rachel.
i'm not even sure if she likes me.

but it kind of seems like she is beginning to see me as someone who will be just a friend.
i really just want to get my emotions out there.
i really enjoy talking to her, and i love spending time with her, and getting to know her, but up until last night i was still not able to be myself, but last night i was myself, and from now on, around her, i can be myself, because im comfortable hanging out with everyone around her now.

she is so pretty, and her voice is amazing. she is such a nice person, i'm just extremely scared of the friend zone, because i've been in it all my life, and never been able to get out of it.
theres so much more i could write about this, but i'm not going to say them just yet.

i hope i don't end up getting stuck there again.

i love lee, and i love my friends at lee.

:)

Rain

even though lately i have felt down, i realized today:

what right do i have to wallow around in self pity?

none, thats what.

God has blessed me, with such awesome classes, awesome professors, and he has brought so many new people into my life within the last month!
each and every one of them is different, and as i continue to grow in those relationships i realize that each of these new people, i am growing to love every day. i am so thankful for these experiences, and i can't wait for these people that i've just met so recently to become my best friends!

it rained today.
yes!
i love the rain, i love storms.
my favorite thing to do during a storm is to sit near a window and just play revelation song on the keys, or the guitar.
it makes for a really really cool atmosphere.

i woke up at 3:30 am, looked at the clock, and thought, "holy crap!! i just slept in til 3:30!?" after springing up out of my bed, quickly putting a shirt on and running out of the room (which was useless anyway because i would have already missed all of my classes) i realized when i got to the front door of my dorm, wait, its still dark outside. then i got mad at myself and came back to bed.

after i woke up for the second time at around 8, i went to class, which is way too early, chapel, class, lunch, and then back to the dorm for a much needed nap.

after my nap, i went with ali grocery shopping. that was a buttload of fun, and from now on i will be doing all of my grocery shopping with ali because of how much fun we had.

we came back and ate dinner, sat there for like 2 hours just talking to a buttload of people, then we left for the tharp lounge with jakeh and logan to skype with ali's friend chrissy who is very pretty.

i studied by myself some, jammed out with adam and alex in the dorm, then left for a study session with tim, anna, ryan, chad, joel, and blake.

all of them are insanely awesome.

today was a much needed break from the lamer days of the past, and i have a feeling we are about to get on an awesome streak!

yes.

also, for those who may be wondering why it says 3:23 at the top of the page...

thats because my life verse is Colossians 3:23:
"Everything you do, do it as if it were unto God and not to men."

:) later!

Loneliness

dang.

why is it that lately it seems like at the end of the day, i always feel so lonely?

i am a big people person. i like not being alone. i like community, i love companionship.
i'm big into that.

but here lately it just seems that i'm missing out on that for some reason. :(

i don't understand, i dont know why, i'm not sure why my brain is working like this,
but i do know i want it to end, now.

i've made so many awesome friends at lee, and i love them all so much, but sometimes i just feel like my love goes unnoticed, unappriciated, or unwelcomed.

i don't like that.

i dont know though, im hoping that my brain fixes itself with time and i stop all this negative thinking because its unhealthy.

today was normal. nothing out of the ordinary happened.
nothing noteworthy except for my friends and i ordered greenman suits.

we are going to start making some awesome videos.

its gonna be awesome.

i wish i had some sort of awesome quote, or word of advice, or something enlightening to hit you with tonight, but i don't.

i'm not in a very enlightening mood anyways.

so tonight, i leave you with this:
God is great, and he will provide.
ali cossa and stephanie lennox are two of the most inspiring people i've ever met, and i have learned alot from both of them today.
my roommate's toothpaste smells gross.
and tomorrow, please be better than today. :(

peace.

Disappointment

whatupyo?

today was far less awesome than yesterday. first off, i didn't see meredith. she is such a nice person and i'm always happy to see her every day. so that kinda made it a little less good than yesterday.

i had my least favorite classes today too, tuesdays are just not fun days.

"angel" the site that my professors use to post my homework is down, so i cant get anything done.

i tried out for chapel band, but they didn't need a drummer.

just right now, not just today, but for a while, a bunch of things have been super disappointing.
i'm talking about just pretty much a lot of stuff, feelings, situations, everythings been really disappointing lately and nothing seems to be going the right way.

but then tonight when i got on facebook i saw one girl that i went to high school with, and she had something on her status and it read, "Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better"' Be patient, live life, have faith."

knowing this girl, and her reputation, (uh oh, i hope she isn't reading this! :S, she probably isn't" she probably just went on a quote website, and copied and pasted that to her status. ha, but its so funny how God can work like that.

on the bright side though,
i hung out with an awesome dude named jesse, we're getting to be really good friends, and we may even end up rooming together next semester.

also it wasn't long, but it was still memorable, i hung with ali for a little bit. she went out with this guy she really likes, and she thinks he likes her too. but she told me all about it tonight. and it really really makes me happy to see her happy like that, and i wish her the best.

its kinda hard to describe how i'm feeling right now, its one of those things where i know, but i can't put it into words. hopefully soon i will be able to tell you, but its just a really weird feeling, not good, just kinda but not really bad.

i dont know.

anyways,
peace out.

All I Need Is You

woke up this morning not feeling like p. diddy, diddy, diddy dirty money, or whatever he calls himself these days, but instead, i woke up feeling lame.

allergies are dumb.

i can never have a day where my nose just isn't stuffed up.

anyways, after i got over the initial grogginess of the morning and downed my daily dose of caffeine, today was a fantastic day.

the day was so beautiful. it wasn't hot, or it wasn't cold. it was perfect weather.
sunny, mild, a few clouds just to accent the blue of the sky. it was certainly beautiful.

i deposited a phat paycheck into my bank account that i got for a commercial i made, which is now on the air in my hometown on the local cable providers. um, awesome? i think so. having something that i created on television is just incredible and makes me feel so good.

after the bank i went to wal mart to get bread, and i also got some m&ms so i could make a peanut butter and m&m sandwich. the best thing ever invented.
its my favorite snack and i love it.

on the way back out to my truck, i found a 5 dollar bill. sweet.

then i went back to my dorm to get some homework done, and i got it all done, awesome!

my friend rachel asked me and my bud adam to go to chattanooga with her to a big thrift store, and to best buy.
thrift stores are literally the greatest thing ever in the world. i didn't ever go to them until i got here, but where else can you get flippin hilarious t-shirts for 99 cents??

got back and my youth pastor and his wife and baby were here, and i got to talk with them about whats going on in life, how much i love everyone here at lee, and so forth, but then they made me miss dinner at the dining hall, so i hit up the pcsu with joelene miller and austin turner.

i've known austin a long time, i love him, but i like to give him a hard time, and jolene is really cool, i just met her, and she is super nice. i can't wait to see how these relationships grow.

i got to hang out with ali some today too, we talked, she was kinda upset today, but i think, and i hope that i cheered her up. i gave her some of the cookies her and i made with my mom, and then i passed the cookies out to people. i've learned thats the best way to make friends in college is give them food.

then this one girl, elisabeth, with an s, wanted me to go tell some guy something that sounded really smart a word, and i wouldn't do it, cuz the guy was large, intimidating, and on my ultimate frisbee team, and i don't know him that well yet, so i didn't do it.

then i chilled with some guys in atkins ellis, they were cool, tim, jesse, and josh. i met jesse this summer and he is really cool, but we havent really got to hang out much until today, i have classes with tim and josh, and they are cool, and tonight was the first time i hung with them too. atkins ellis is a cool dorm, just saying.

i got back and hit up some mini ping pong with adam, and i swear that one day i will get super good at it, and kick everyone in medlin's butt.

chapel tomorrow, and then chapel band tryouts. im stoked.

see ya then :)

Growing

welcome back!

i didn't blog last night because i got back late and the internet in my dorm was down, again.
dumb.
the internet here at lee is so much like jay sean's current girlfriend, always down.

anyways.

last night i went with a large group of people in like 5 cars to a drive in movie.
but we never made it to the movie, the lead car typed the address in their gps wrong, so we ended up lost on gravel roads, in the mountains, in northeast georgia.
and then it started storming really hard. but it was a whole lot of fun though, got closer to some great people.

i love it here.

today i went to a church in cleveland to watch some friends sing with their music group here at lee, then we came back to campus and had lunch, and then i got to spend the day with my best friend ever!

ali is my little sister and she is the greatest ever and i love her so much.

she went home with me, and got to meet my family, grandparents and all!
we had dinner with my family and then me and her made cookies with my mom. i brought them back to campus, so if anyone wants some... :)

then we came back to the pcsu and we hung out with mickey and meredith, and it was really good to see them because they have been gone all weekend to mickey's house in atlanta. they are awesome people.

but me and ali made our birthday list and people should start receiving invites on facebook soon.
its gonna be an awesome night in chattanooga and we are gonna have so much fun!

but now im sitting in the pcsu, and the night is coming to a close.

met some great people this weekend, and grew in some relationships this weekend too as well. i love lee, and i can't wait to keep growing in these awesome relationships with these awesome people here.

its gonna be an awesome 4 years.

:)

Realization

normal day.

not.

amazing day.

i woke up, first class of the day i didn't have because it is gateway and we don't have that on fridays. so i went straight to psychology, i love that class, it is so big, i love big classes.

my roommate just told me in one of his rambling rants that he is scared that the cafeteria food at lee is going to come alive one day and try to eat him, and that he wants buttered toast right now.

random thought.

anyways, i finished my classes and ate lunch with some really cool people, from ohio, seattle, and im not sure where one is from, but they are really cool, and i'm going to eventually go to cincinnati with one of the girls from ohio.
they're really fun nice people and i love them.

i went back to my room and had nothing to do for a few hours, so i got on my piano and just played, i didn't play a song, i just played, nonstop for an hour or two, just free flowing music. and it was great. i expressed myself through song, even though it didnt have words, i felt i got out what i needed to get out.

after that, i started to talk to one of my very good friends from atlanta. she was babysitting some kids, and one had an old lady name but was 3.

mavis.

that was her name.
gross.

it makes me think of a really old woman.

anyways, her and i suffer from one of the worst things ever.

it is called doubt.

i hate it, i think the problem is that we have way too much time to think, and when we think, we think about the worst case scenarios first, and then we get focused on those so much that we just tell ourselves that there is no hope for the good, and we end up worrying about it.

i myself need to listen to the advice that i am about to give you.

when you think about things, dont let the worst case scenario take up your focus. always know that the worst case scenario is probably not what will happen, and then start thinking about good things. instead of focusing on negative things that might happen, focus on the positive things that may happen or have already happened.

there is a bible verse somewhere, i think it is in Phillipians, but it says, do not be anxious about anything, instead look to God and pray about everything.

if we realize that God is in control, and then realize that He knows what is best for us, then we wont have to worry about anything because everything is going to work out to His will.

so then it got to be 6 o clock, and fun time.

i went to chattanooga with a group of friends, and ate at a place called big river grille, and it was so good, then afterwords we walked around downtown chattanooga and just took pictures and had fun and just talked and had a great time, we got ice cream and just had a buttload of fun. i went with 2 of my best friends, and this girl that i really really like.
she is super cool, but i always freeze up around her whenever we talk, and so tonight, bringing my friends along, i really think that helped me to loosen up and i think that now i will be able to not be so tense around her.

she is very very pretty and has an amazing voice, and hopefully if its God's will, something more will come out of it, but for right now i'm going to take it slow, and just see where it goes. get to know her a little more, and just be her friend, be cool, and have fun.

shes pretty awesome.

later guys. :)

Blank

ever have one of those things where just almost nothing is on your mind at all?
thats today for me. idk, i have had a blank mind most of the day, and this is the first time that something like that has happened in ever.

i'm usually thinking about something, all day, everyday, but today, i found myself zoning off and not even paying attention to anything, and not even thinking, just being there.

im not sure if thats a bad thing or a good thing.

today was normal.

went to class, i was so almost thinking about skipping my first class, and chapel, and just sleeping in, but i didn't.
i don't regret my decision.

sat in chapel with ali and jeremiah, and listened to a band that wanted to be like creed/zz top.
clark medlin came, its always good to see him, clark always makes for a great time. then i hung out at the softball field, played a game with a team, which was fun, and then watched some other games. then afterword hung around and threw a frisbee with some cool cats that i met before, but never actually hung out with them, they are all pretty cool, im excited to start warming up to them and start being myself.

i have a best friend. her name is ali cossa.

yes, my best friend is a girl.

no, we are not dating.

but i love her so so much.
she is super important to me, and i'm really glad she creeped on me on facebook last january.
she is definetly the coolest person on this campus, and she is so funny, and nice and awesome. she is from new york, and her accent is way cool, and i really love her and her parents. i really want to go visit sometime in new york. it would be the perfect place for me cuz i have add, and there are lots of things there to grab my attention. but anyways, ali is the best, and i really can talk to her whenev i need to about anything at all, and she doesn't judge, and is always honest, and at times is harsh, but thats good, honesty is the best no matter what circumstance. i love ali, and wouldn't trade her for anyone else, i've got myself an awesome best friend!

for those of you who have just began to follow my online journal, you may have noticed that i use all lowercase letters. the reason why is, uppercase letters make things seem official and intimidating. i type in all lowercase because i want to be friendly and personable, not harsh and scary.

anyways, tomorrow is lookin good. goin to chattanooga for some dinner and fun.

peace out yo. :)

The Rambling Roommate

hello!
the title of this post is called the rambling roommate, thats because thats what he is doing right now as I am typing this up. i put my headphones in like i always do when i write these posts, and he just keeps going. i occasionally take out an earbud to see if he is still going, and sure enough...

anyways, check this out
www.stephlenphoto.blogspot.com

she is one of my best friends, and she is wicked insane at taking pictures and she always puts them up on her site, so check em out. also if you need some senior portraits done, she is totally the person to talk to, she is so talented, and i am blessed to have her as my friend.

she can sing too.

and speaking of her, and my roommate, he doesnt like her.
not sure why.

today was like any other wednesday, except minus the church part. i do miss being a part of a church, i miss being a part of a leadership team. i love leading worship and i love leading others into worship. its a big part of my life, and something i feel called to do, so when i have gone so long without doing it, it seems weird. i still worship on a daily basis, but its alone, and i get chapel services on tuesdays and thursdays, but im worshipping as if its me and God.
i really cant wait to get involved with this church in chattanooga. they are looking for a drummer, and i was supposed to go practice with them tonight but their musicians couldnt be there, so we postponed until next week.
instead, i played my first college intramural sport. ultimate frisbee. i'm on a team with a bunch of really cool guys from my dorm, and we are called the pyromaniacs. we are legit, we won our first game, and we could definitely use some improvement, but i had a buttload of fun, and cant wait to play again, i signed up for an indoor soccer league tonight too. after that i went with one of my best friends jeremiah, and an awesome person named jennifer to steak n shake. i love them both so much and can't wait to get to know them better as we continue on at lee university! i ate a late lunch with my uncle who came to visit me today, i miss him alot, we talked and laughed and ate at a great mexican place called tres hermanos.

as for the future, im not sure whats gonna happen. hopefully tomorrow will be awesome. but i cant tell yet, ill let you know tomorrow though. :)

New Day

what a day. actually no. pretty uneventful. went to class, chapel, then class again. i talked to the girl again, shes incredble. she still feels kinda sick, but thats okay. if she would just send her love gift of $20 or more to TBN God will heal all of her physical sickness. halelujah!
anyways, i asked her to go to chattanooga with me today.
well, me and my friend ali, and she is bringing someone too. its kind of a guide, since i suck at talking to girls. like a date with training wheels. yet a date nonetheless. im not sure if she knows it is. oh well, at least its a start and im getting to know her a tad bit more every day, which is fine. i still have all 4 years here, so i'll take it slow. i'm not sure what we are going to do yet, but it will be fun regardless. i miss blogging, and i miss my friends blogging. one of them is going to start, she is in italy, wow! who knew what people in high school would move on to? i didn't. i do now though, and its awesome, i cant wait to read about all of her adventures in italy. my other friend that inspired me to start a blog to begin with, i think she saw mine, and decided to restart. so thats good, she takes good pictures and i enjoy seeing them and reading what she has to say.

welcome to my mind world.
i love you.

Welcome Back

so, after an extremely long summer break, i'm back!
its been way too long since i did anything on here, and so i decided that since i'm gone and in college now, it might be cool for me to start updating again so people can see what is going on.

the main thing on my mind right now is this girl. she is insanely beautiful, and incredible singer, and she is a super nice person. I really would love to ask her out, but everytime i get the chance something goes wrong. one time i was trying to catch up to her, and i tripped and fell on my face, other times i get way too nervous. just now though, she was feeling sick, so she asked for some medicine, and i had some so i was gonna bring it to her. i brought it to her and was about to do it, and then this other guy who had asked her out earlier came to pick her up for a date. They are going to get his haircut together. Thankfully, she was acting "really excited" (sarcasm) and her friend jared who was with us was talking about all these guys with their attempts to pick her up and how they were all really lame. so i guess thats a breath of phresh air.
but still, i guess its just not the right time. i've prayed about this, and i know that God will eventually present an opportunity for me. but its always in his timing not mine. as for right now, i just need to be as nice as possible and just be accessible and friendly, wait in the background until the time is right, and hopefully, maybe she'll see whats up. and hopefully, maybe, things will end up how id like.

wow it sure has been a while!!

i miss this. i've just been like waaaaaayyy super busy lately.

so many things going on, its incredible.
and on top of that i got sick for like 2 days.

so its been pretty hectic.
i lost contact with a friend.
we write letters back and forth, and i have been so busy i havent been able to lately. i wrote it today, and it is coming soon, i promise.

i got to see hillsong. and they are soooooo amazing
they are honestly the most anointed and talented worship leaders i have ever had the privelege of bearing wittness to.

i could learn from them.

i dont think people should get offended easily.

people are stupid, and get all upset over stupid things.
im going to speak my mind, and if you dont like it, i dont care, because im not gonna let you tell me who to be.

end of story.

my friend zach has a blog now.

booyeah, i'm a trend setter.

now everyone else should get one.
go!

stephanie and i are doing another cover soon. it should be very coverlicious.

new timbaland song. i had my doubts before i heard it, but its pretty cool.

rainy monday. boo for rainy mondays.
or just mondays in general,

dumb drizzly monday, it was 65 degrees yesterday, and then today it was like 35.
it even snowed.

dumb.

i fell asleep alot today, dont know why, maybe cuz math is just so dang boring.

i am about to embark on a collaborative songwriting adventure with mary-beth, we are going to write a song, probably about graduation, and leaving.
and if it is good enough and we get it in time, we might do it at graduation, which would be pretty cool.

tomorrow is tuesday, therefore, better than monday.

later! :)

i had a really good worship session tonight.

micah massey came and led worship, and God showed up too.
it was much needed!!!

i ate at chilis, reconnected with some old friends, and learned new things about other people, so overall today was fun, and got me even more pumped about church!!

i'm now really really pumped about college, all my friends who are going next year really are too.
they are getting me pretty pumped!!

so, pretty much,life at the moment is chill.

:)

i looked at my followers today, and i found out that i have somehow managed to follow myself twice...

how does that happen??

i guess that means i think i'm interesting.

i drove alot today, so that got me thinking, aboot road rage.

how come you can take the nicest, sweetest, most calm person ever, put them behind the wheel of a car, and they become a ginormo horrific ogre-mammoth-chewbacca thing and yell, cuss, and flip off everyone that does something on the road that they don't like.
even a petite little (redundancy) like mary-beth salguero can get behind the wheel, and all the sudden she feels like ripping someone's leg off, feeding it to whoever happens to be in the passenger seat of the other car, and then feeding the passenger to the driver with the missing leg.

is it because people can't handle the power that is entrusted to them??

maybe vehicles; large in volume, mass, and weight, make people feel like they are more powerful than they really are, so they belive everything belongs to them.

for example, almost every living person who is notorious or infamous is that way because they came into power, it corrupted them, and they found a way to abuse it.

which makes me wonder, how does God handle having all that power??

the power God has is what makes him God. but imagine if any other human being had the same amount of power God did. The world would be chaotic.

this whole entire concept just makes God even more amazing and awe-inspiring to me. the fact that he has so much more power than anyone on earth has ever had, and he is still God, and he is still good, and not corrupt.

the fact that almost any human being cannot handle having such a minute amount of power (by comparison) without something bad happening, just proves to me, and so many more, that God is so much more mighty, powerful, amazing, breathtaking, merciful, graceful, supernatural, holy, and worthy than any of us could ever comprehend.

happy pointless holiday everyone!

because the holiday has no meaning, i decided to give it one.
a few of my friends and i went to walmart and chased one of my friends dressed in green around with nets. it was fun.

we had an amazing night tonight at church, adam, garrett, and i filmed a video for adam's series on momentum.

it was just garrett running through things and knocking things, and people over in slow motion.

it was awesome.
also we made a winterfest preview.

next week we will be giving out winterfest dvds.

tomorrow i am taking the mac from the church and getting final cut pro put on it so we can make better videos.

and funnier ones.

the band is doing a full praise and worship set for fca tomorrow, no speaker all music, should be fun.

goodnight everyone.

the following is dedicated to tuna:

winterfest.

what to say about it.
it was totally not what i expected it to be.

i don't know if its a mental block, or if what i'm thinking is true, but for some reason, the past few big worship conferences i have gone to i have been disappointed by the fact i feel like it has been more of a putting on a show or plugging in different orginizations and things.

they would stop praise and worship to do random things like tell us to text jesus to a certain number and save and get free music on our phones and such.

just alot of stuff they did was unnecessary during a time of worship.

they really didn't let the Holy Spirit do his thing because they were more worried about production more than the encounter.

i read a quote once from a college bible teacher:
“Christianity started in Palestine as a fellowship; it moved to Greece and became a philosophy; it moved to Italy and became an institution; it moved to Europe and became a culture; it then came to America and became an enterprise."

when the church begins to make it's business more important than reaching out to communities and connecting with God, a huge problem occurs.

think of it this way.

the church is the body of Christ, and when the church becomes more focused on making profit than making belivers, it becomes a business. "selling church"

when a body is sold, it is called prostitution.

so when we as a body begin to focus on ourselves, making money even if it is for the church, more than reaching out to others we are basically, pardon my language, whoring out the body of Christ, and making it something that is completely and literally unholy in any way you look at it.

can we not worry about how much money we are making, or advertising, or if we have the largest production with the most people and coolest bands and instead worry about reaching out to God, and having a true, intimate worship experience?

please?

i will be gone for a weekend!
it will be a spiritual weekend, filled with lots of crying, music, insight, deep thoughts, laughter, love, emotions, new experiences, new friends, old friends, new old friends, inside jokes, regular jokes, card games, the bible, and most of all, God.

i'm looking forward to this weekend, and everything it will have to offer, if adam lets me, i will try to post over the weekend. just about the things that go on.

if not, then i will be back very soon and you will hear all about it.

:)

good evening!!

how is everyone doing!?

fantastic.

before i begin, i would like to take a moment to apoligze and make a correction to something i posted earlier this week. that girl lives in canton, not woodstock. but its still the same general area right?? all those cities around atlanta all run into each other anyways. but i told her i would fix it, so i did.

now, onto new business.

i have a friend who has a blog,
you should visit it:

http://www.stephlenphoto.blogspot.com//

she takes really great pictures, and she is quite possibly one of the funnest people i know!

i wish i had a camera like hers so i could take really cool pictures and put them on here, but i'm just stuck with the yearbook camera... :(

jordan.

its not that bad, its just not that good either.

but anyways, im gonna post some random pictures that i have taken this semester with the yearbook camera.

i'll post them in different installments, so its like a book.

here we go!


thats mandy and cassidy, they are two friends, and they're cool


the silhouette of quite possibly the nicest teacher ever.







a big thanks to steph for inspiring me, and teaching me how to do this!!
visit her blog @ http://www.stephlenphoto.blogspot.com//

later! :)

P.S. happy birthday kristin greear

hmm.
i wonder how many people are still avid followers of this thing.

no one has said anything in a while, and im starting to wonder if my following has dwindled into a small cloud of nothingness.

its okay, for those of you that still do, thank you.

i appreciate it a whole buttload when you tell me you enjoy it!

today was a monday, a boring old monday.

mondays are so depressing, partly because they are too far away from any other day of the week, so the anticipation of the other days when you actually have something planned hasn't arrived yet. plus there is always nothing to do on mondays.

boo monday!!
when i become president i will outlaw you.

we had a substitute in math class and we sat there and did nothing for about thirty minutes, then another math teacher came in and gave the sub some worksheets and then he made us do them.
we got in trouble when we talked.

they were just busy work,
so i decided to make the best of it, and instead of sitting there, being bored, and silent,

i wrote down random words for the answers.

that was fun!

elise.

i love random.

speaking of helicopters, here is a random haiku:

haikus are cool
but sometimes they are random
refrigerator

that was fun.

there is this one girl that i recently met,
a friend of the family introduced us.
she lives in woodstock, and she is super pretty, and super nice.
and we are going to college together.

i hope things turn out between us the way i want them to.

the end, and goodnight. :)



(dumb monday)

i wrote something earlier.

i clicked post and it didnt post,
and then i lost it!!

dumb

but the jist of it was...

why work, when you can serve??

when you work, we expect the person we work for to reward us,
yet when we serve, the reward is included.

serve is just such a softer word than work.

its more attractive, and easier to use.


that was just the jist of what i wrote earlier.
dumb blog

i can't think of what to write about.

thinking is hard.
i believe we should only do it at school, and then the rest of the time, be spontaneous, because i've found that the more random, care-free, and blissful you are, the happier you are.
its like a superweird phenomena i cannot explain.

because explaining would require me to think.

its okay to think outside of school i guess,
i mean, its important, if we didn't think, we would do stupid stuff and shorten our lifespan, or totally lose the ability to solve real world problems.

but sometimes, you just need to forget about everything, just for a little while.
find that place where you are really happy, and hold onto it for a few moments, because in this life, we will never stop completely thinking about things.
just take some time, by yourself, or with friends, doing something that you love, and just forget about "your worries and your strife"

also, keep in mind one thing that i have also found to be supertrue:

when those who are around you are happy, is when you are the happiest.






\/peace.

a good friend told me today: "hey, you havent posted today?"

so i asked if he was talking about my blog, and he said yes.

and then he urged me to hurry up and do it.

then, as i was watching the movie 2012, it occurred to me,


people actually read this!?

what is it that attracts people to the innerworkings of my brain? who knows? i know i myself wouldn't find this very appealing if i were just a random bystander waiting out the end of the world(dang 2012 putting ideas in my head)

maybe it's because the people who read this care about me, or maybe its because they are looking for the first thing i say that can be misconstrued and for them to use to ruin my reputation!

or...

maybe its just the first one.
i'd like to think that instead.

i care about you guys too!! :)

also, i want to touch on another subject: FRIENDS... (again)

but this time, its about new friends.

the past few weeks i have made some new friends. how this has happened, i know not.
but i rather enjoy it.
meeting new people is always really fun for me, and i really like getting to know them, and i'm looking forward to hanging out with them in the future!!!




and one more thing,
stephanie: make me cookies,
please. :)

yeah!!!
new post.

this is fuuuuuun.

some of my friends got their dorm assignments today.

i didnt, sad face.
i should probably mail my housing deposit in soon, you know, so i can have somewhere to live when i go to college.

i've decided to start typing the blog in all lowercase letters.
why?
it seems less hostile, and more personable.
plus it looks cool, hip, and modern.

i need to write music, this one girl gave me lyrics she wrote cuz she couldn't write music, and i can't write lyrics, but she writes things weird and its hard to write music for it.
i know i will get it with time though, i just hope she doesn't constantly pester me.

teenage girls have a knack for pestering sometimes.
and sometimes they have a knack for being cool.

like mary-beth salguero.

she told me she enjoyed reading this, and she liked the way my brain worked and described it as "refreshing"

i was going for something more like supersexyawesome, but refreshing will work just fine.

my mom told me something today!

"torrey, you should put your laundry away, you need to get in the routine because you only have three months left living here."

and then it hit me.

after i graduate, i pretty much wont be living at home anymore,
i'll be gone all summer, and then college.

it makes me super excited because all of the things i've been told about how awesome college is, but then it also makes me sad.

i love my family, and i wont be living with them probably for a long time.

the carefree feeling of no legal responsibility will be gone, and i'll have to deal with stuff like taxes, insurance, and stuff like that.

reality sets in, its crazy...

Life,
at the moment:

Lots on my mind. And i really need to get it off.
but not just to anybody.

I need to tell it to one specific person, but every time i attempt to tell, i get no response, so i dont even get to start.

Theres just a bunch of unresolved things to talk about between us, and we never see each other, and when we try, it always goes bad.
its just not fun to try to do.

I finally got some inspiration for a song.
I want to write a song about my friends. But i want it to be about my friends from out of town.

3 or 4 of them have been facing tough situations, yet through the entire thing they have shown so much persistence, and they never give up.
They are stronger than I could ever be, and I want to write about that. I'm going to do my best to be poetic, but words cannot describe these amazing people that live their lives day to day going through things that I couldn't even imagine going through. Living physically and emotionally detached with someone who they love, they make me think about the relationships that I have with the people close to me.
I would like to personally thank these few strong individuals for being an inspiration to me, for being so strong. I admire you all greatly.

Bucket list

I didnt get to update yesterday.

I know, sad face.

Its okay though, I was super busy with church and whatnot.
Busy is good.

Anyways, I decided to start a bucket list...
So, here it is! (so far)

1. Go skydiving
2. play rock band/guitar hero with a real rockstar
3. go streaking in a public place
4. go to the super bowl
5. smash a guitar on stage
6. donate to a charity under the name: Dwight Schrute
7. Make $100 by street performing
8. take a group of strangers out to dinner
9. go to japan
10. meet the president
11. get a song I record on the radio
12. do an extravagant dance at a sports event and get on the jumbo-tron
13. try out for American idol
14.go deep sea fishing
15.buy flowers for a complete stranger
16.go to a party hosted by P.Diddy
17. go to Australia
18.ride a double decker bus(top deck)
19. Ride a double decker bus(bottom deck)
20. Teach an illiterate person to read
21. Buy a dog an name it Jingus
22. Play 1 on 1 with an NBA player
23. demolish a building
24. sing and play guitar for people at a nursing home.
25. write and publish a book
26. get on the front page of a newspaper
27.do an on the spot tv interview for a local news station
28. Take a giant cut out of greg baird to camp
29. start the wave at a large gathering
30. Ballroom dance in an unlikely random public place
31. Put 3 of my handprints in wet cement, and underneath them write: “The incredible 3 armed man”
32.stick used gum on the railing of the stairs of the empire state building
33.Start at the bottom floor of a building with more than 100 stories, press all the buttons in the elevator, ride it all the way up, and then take the stairs down.
34.make a toast at a wedding
35.make some toast at a wedding
36. go on a blind date
37. Go on a date with a blind girl
38. Recite the ABCs over a retail store intercom
39. Slaughter a live chicken, prepare it, and eat it.
40. go to the taping of a late night TV show
41. be a contestant on the price is right
42. perform in a talent show
43. take a homeless man to see a movie
44. party boy an important public figure
45. be an extra in a movie
46. at age 28 find Rosalyn zock
47. buy someone’s grocieries
48. meet travis barker, and tell him he isn’t a good drummer
49. save someone’s life
50. dance down the aisle at a wedding
51. be on a billboard
52. pull an all nighter around town dressed as a superhero
53. drive from new york to LA
54. be in the Guinness book of world records
55. Throw out the first pitch at a major league baseball game
56. ask an off the wall question at an important press conference that has nothing to do with the matter at hand.
57. go on a gondola ride in italy with a stranger
58. go hangliding
59. Go on a safari
60. jog on the great wall of china
61. walk down a crowded street in NYC at dusk with speakers attached to my backpack playing “1000 miles” by Vanessa carlton, with a depressed look on my face
62. Play the Wii with a Nintendo executive
63. go watch an Olympic event in person
64. go to Hawaii and get leid
65. see a symphony
66. win a radio contest
67. go to Africa
68. visit a chocolate factory
69. be a substitute teacher
70. be in a protest
71. Cut the ribbon at a grand opening ceremony
72. see a broadway show
73. put a video on youtube that gets over 5000 views
74. buy an airplane banner ad and put my phone number on it
75. get some sort of emotion out of a london palace guard.
76. send a message in a bottle
77. get something/someone named after me
78. run a marathon (and come in last)
79. dance on stage at a concert
80 Make a lemonade stand

Good news,
I get to go to college for free now.
Hoorah!

Thats exciting.

Its been quite an exciting day, but no exciting thing is complete without lots and lots of waiting.

Which is also what I did today too.

I had a math test, and got done before everyone, so i got to wait for class to be over.
All day before lunch, i was waiting, for lunch.
After school, I had a dentist appointment, and the waiting took longer than usual because the dentist, the one who has no computers in his office; only a type-writer, a datebook, and an abycuss, had some comlications with this one 90 year old woman's mouth.

I didn't even know 90 year olds had teeth.

So anyways, I waited an hour in there just so he could tell me he was gonna give me some mouthwash, and a syringe to clean out the wisdom teeth holes.

Then I went to another doctor to get allergy shots. That involved waiting.
but it was ok, because on my way out i saw a really good friend, and we walked past each other and high fived without saying a word.
so that was kinda cool.

and now, im waiting for praise band practice!!

So of course with all this waiting, what are you supposed to do after the monopoly game on your phone gets boring??

Think.




And thats exactly what I did.

I thought about 2 completely random things.

Friends,
Germs.

And then I totally just combined them together.

Friends are like germs,
There are good ones, that live in your intestines, and make waste, and keep you regular.
but there are also bad ones that infect the various systems of your body, and cause you to become ill.

But if we hang around either friend too much, the outcome is horrible.

Friends influence us,
good or bad.

Hang out with the bad friends, they will infect you, and cause you to become sick.
and then you'll die.

hang out with the good friends too much, and they will influence you way to much, and you will begin to lose your individuality, and start smelling like the intestine germs. like poop.

You have to spend time with just yourself and God, just to refresh.

there is nothing wrong with hangin out with people, I'm just sayin.
get alone with God, and there is no telling what you will find out.


plus, you wont smell like poop and die.




Thats what I thought about today.
random right??
I'm glad I'm creative.

What's today?

I started a blog.
Thank you captain obvious.
I know, it seems that I've fallen into the trap of all the crazy social networking craze, but I just felt that I needed to start one. Like a journal kinda.
I also need a cool, and different way to express my thoughts, emotions, and random impulses. I wish I was able to organize my thoughts and emotions in a poetic manner, but I seem to have trouble converting thoughts into rhythmic meters, which is why I have lots and lots of songs written, and sitting on my keyboard in my room, with no words.
But I guess all the greatest composers of old (Beethoven, Bach, Handel... etc.) just composed music too. Hopefully someone will come along to help me fix this broken cycle of the lack of lyricisim, but until then, I'm stuck writing things in free verse, like those poems we read in lit class, and I think, "Why is this considered a poem? If i just wrote down my thoughts and said I was a poet would high schoolers sit in class and think the same thing?"

So for all of you who feel the need to care about my life, and the things that I do, you can do that here. :)